Before becoming a Game Design student at Republic Polytechnic, Mr Tang Ho Chiao would hide his results from his parents during his secondary school days to avoid his parents’ nagging.

 

 “I know my parents [were going to] nag at me like crazy and be very disappointed in me,” says Mr Tang. 

 

When he first received his O-level Preliminary results he scored above 30 points, so he decided to carry on with his lie. However, his parents’ support and encouragement eventually led to his guilt, which he used as a source of motivation to work harder. Only after graduating from secondary school and obtaining a score of 14 points, he then decided to confess to his parents about the lies.

 

How can students work toward telling parents the truth of their academic struggles? A student,  parent and teacher share their experiences.

 

First, know when to prioritise well-being over grades. Mr Tang now wishes that his parents could have nagged only to a minimum as it had caused him to feel frustrated as a child, which resulted in him being more scared than motivated to study.

 

Through Mr Tang’s lies, Mdm Yi Yu Rong, his mother, realised that she had been prioritising her children’s academic results rather than their mental health. 

 

“They feared scoldings from me if they didn’t do well, which drains their energy and makes them stressed out [during] every exam,” Mdm Yi says.

 

Mrs Joanna Lim, a teacher at Teck Whye Secondary School who has been teaching Mathematics for 13 years, says  that when parents start putting expectations on their children, it could result in the child to adopt the mindset that failure is unacceptable. This may even cause them to hide their own feelings as they might feel that they have disappointed their parents.

 

Second, understand that not every job requires academic excellence.

 

“There are many successful people out there who dropped out of school,” says Mr Tang. 

 

He also says that the turning point in his life was when his mother realised that his happiness is more important than his grades. 

 

However, Mdm Yi  feels that whilst getting a certificate or degree can better secure a job, she nevertheless encourages youths to focus on things that they are passionate about.
 

Third, if parents and their children are unable to communicate well, it is best to seek help from a teacher to intervene or mediate the situation. This can help resolve issues that both parties may not be able to. 

 

Mrs Lim would usually share the efforts seen being put in by the child with the parents as she thinks that is important to speak to both sides. Additionally, she thinks that it is important to let parents know the child’s feelings. She will then encourage the child to share his or her feelings to their parents.

 

Fourth, schools in Singapore have decided to implement mental health lessons from 2021 onwards as part of the new Character and Citizenship Education curriculum in secondary schools to educate students on where and how to seek help. This can be helpful to students who might not feel comfortable seeking help from their teachers.